Working Mom Misery – Stuckness

I have been struggling with work big time since I had my son two years ago.  I can’t wrap my head around how other women do it – working full time and being a mom while staying happy, that is. From reading around the web, I see I’m not the only one suffering from “stuckness” – physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, maritally…

I have one little boy who is almost two. I work full time because I have to. I’m a college grad with almost 10 years of work experience, but the best I could find after being laid off a few years ago then having a baby was an entry-level administrative job that is so boring I want to blow my head off. But I don’t see any other options right now. I’m stuck. I’ve driven myself crazy trying to think of other viable ways for me to be home with my son more often (not to mention I want to have another), but it all comes back to the same thing – right now, I need to stay put or we go without food, shelter or medical care. What really REALLY sucks is that even though I am away from home 40 hours plus (commuting time, lunch hour, etc), my husband (also a college grad and underpaid full time worker) and I are still just short of making ends meet. Yes, I do have wonderful health insurance and other benefits through my work, but is that worth being miserable and STILL having to pick and choose which bills to pay? After all, don’t we work so we can provide a good life for our children? If I can’t afford to buy my son the things that he needs, or things to keep our house nice, or at least have some financial peace, then what the hell is the point? I feel as though I am robbing myself and my family of any benefits that come from working full time. I don’t love what I do, my salary is just above the poverty line, there is no opportunity for advancement – hell, there aren’t even social benefits!  I am alone in an office for most of the day and only work with a few men who I rarely see.

So here I sit, miserable and depressed, unable to be the mom and wife I long to be because I am so tired all the time.  I feel like I’m balancing on a fine line between happiness and insanity because all day long I go round and round in my head with the same miserable thoughts and no way out.

 The only thing that gives me hope is that I do believe something will change, and things will improve for us. They always do – I have faith.  I know I’m in the majority when it comes to struggling with this, and other people seem to come away with it happy and well adjusted. In the meantime, maybe I’ll come up with a brilliant plan in all these hours I’m wasting away bored out of my mind at work.

Categories