The Hard Things

I was driving past a church the other day, and the sign out front read “What God sends is better than what we ask for.”

I’ve been trying to make this my mantra for the past week as I am feeling overwhelmed with life and motherhood yet again. We took Jack for his very first road trip last week up to Whidbey Island, Seattle, Tacoma and Olympia to visit friends and family. Jack did pretty well considering we were in the car for 13 hours on the way there. I stressed out more than he did and ended up almost finishing my bottle of Xanax.

There was nothing I wanted more when we returned home than to relax and enjoy the comforts of home, but it was not to be. 24 hours after we got home, Jack’s small cold turned into a barking cough complete with wheezing and labored breathing. I scoured the web and came up with the conclusion it was croup. I called the pediatrician’s after hours answering service for advice as it was approaching 9:00 p.m. and I wasn’t sure what to do. The nurse who called me back listened to his breathing and immediately said to take my son to the E.R. My stomach dropped. Her voice was so serious, and my husband was working at his second job, and everyone else was out of town. Hospitals, especially emergency rooms, give me serious panic attacks, and I wasn’t sure I could do this alone.

At the E.R. Jack was given a dose of steroids to open up his swollen throat and we were sent on our way. Today he feels much better, but today was also the day we went to get his helmet for his flat head. So begins another challenge in my first year of motherhood. Looking back, I can’t believe I have made it through the last 6 months of motherhood and the previous 9 months of pregnancy, but I did. I will make it through whatever comes next.

I will continue to pray for strength to raise a happy, healthy son, for my aunt and brother-in-law suffering from cancer, for my best friend grieving the loss of her son, for myself and my husband to find financial and job security, for my sister to find peace in her family, for my grandpa to find comfort in his time of grief, for my sister-in-law’s luck to turn around, and for the well-being of the earth and humanity. I am trusting that God will send something even better than all of this I pray for.

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