Bonding

I just finished reading the book “The Deep End of the Ocean.” I read it every night before bed, and subsequently cried every night before bed. If you have not read the book I won’t spoil it, but it is basically about a family whose middle child is kidnapped at the age of three, and their life for the next 10 years.

One of the biggst changes I’ve noticed in myself since having a baby is my feelings toward other babies and children. I’ve never been gaga over babies, and kids, quite frankly, usually annoy me. If I had read this book BB (before baby), my reaction probably would have been “that’s sad and it’s a good story.” Now my reaction is “BWAAAA…WAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! God help all the kids in the world!!!!”

Although it turned me into a crying mess, I am glad I read it, and I am grateful because it made me realize how much I really do love my baby. Yes, it has been a terribly rough road for the last few months. Yes, I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision in becoming a mom, and yes, I have often wondered if I can really do this for the rest of my life, but I think I’m starting to learn about my relationship with my child. That is, it wasn’t all fireworks when we first met, but like the love I have for my husband, it continues growing every day, every week, every month and every year. Some days are hard and I cry and want to take off, but on the good days, my love for this little guy grows exponentially. My heart melts when he smiles and kicks when I come into the room. I seriously shed a tear when he holds my hand while he’s sleeping. I know he loves me and that I am his world, and that makes me love him.

Now I know what people mean when they say there is no love like the love between a child and a parent. I have never had anyone be completely dependent on me and unconditionally in love with me until now, and it has overwhelmed me with love.

I know he won’t always feel that way. All too soon he will be an independent little toddler, then an embarassed schoolboy, then a snotty teenager. However, I still love my parents with everything I am, and I do need them, just not every minute of the day. My hope is that he will feel that way about me for the rest of his life.

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