I have heard time and time and time again how difficult having a baby is on a relationship, but you never know until it happens. My husband and I have a VERY strong relationship and were married 5 years before baby was born, and we are still having a hard time.

I think what it comes down to is that men will NEVER have the same bond with their babies that women do. It is a biological thing, it has nothing to do with love – the hormones, sharing the same body for 9 months, the mother’s instinct. I think we want so desperately for the fathers of our kids to feel and act the same as we do, but it is probably unrealistic.

Last night I was SO pissed because hubby and I agreed that two nights a week he would be in charge of dinner and getting up with the baby at night because I am so burnt out and exhausted. So last night I slept in the guest room with the baby monitor turned off so I wouldn’t wake up. Well, I woke up anyway at 4:30 am because my baby was crying for like 10 minutes straight, louder and louder and louder. I stomped down the hall to find hubby dead asleep with the baby monitor up to 100% volume right next to his ear. How in the HELL he could not hear that is beyond me, but I hear the same story over and over and over again. Men just do not have the same instinct and often don’t wake up to their babies cries. I, on the other hand, wake up if I even hear my baby rustling around in his sleep.

I’m trying to accept that just because my husband isn’t the same as me when it comes to our baby doesn’t mean he is a bad husband or father. I know he loves me and my son more than anything, even if he does sometimes come home from work and crack open a beer or get on the computer without even offering to hold the baby or feed him.

I just need to remember men are much, much different than women. We have to tell them what we want and need. As much as we want them to instinctively know what we and our babies need, it is not wired into their DNA like it is into ours.

So I will try to take my own advice and not be constantly pissed at my husband for not feeling the same way I do or for not being able to read my mind.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Linda Paul
    Oct 15, 2010 @ 21:35:57

    Good advice to self!

    Reply

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